Staying in Europe would see us all wearing sombreros and not washing, warns Grayling

author avatar by 8 years ago

Leader of the House of Commons Chris Grayling has warned of full scale Europisation in an article for the Telegraph this morning.

He claims that Europe is ‘shit, and I mean really shit,’ and states unequivocally that if Great Britain remained in the EU we could all expect to be wearing sombreros and only washing once a week by 2020.

It seen as the first sign of a eurosceptic Government minister openly campaigning to leave the EU.

There were further dire predictions of smoking ‘marijuana hash crack’ in schools, indolent workers going to sleep in the afternoon, making shepherd’s pie with garlic instead of lamb, not warming the pot before making tea, forcing decent Englishmen’s wives to not wear bras, and having cricket replaced by bullfighting.

The article concluded with the terrifying image of a Great Britain where ‘men and ladies are forced to use the same public toilets and there are no locks on the doors, because Europeans like that sort of thing.’

Mr Grayling has admitted that whilst he is a fervent Eurosceptic, he has never actually visited Europe saying that he tried once but as soon as he set foot in Calais he vomited with such violence and quantity that he was forced to get back on the ferry and return to England.