2016 Royal Rumble to feature all past and present members of The Fall

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Next week’s WWE Royal Rumble will feature all present and past members of band The Fall, they have announced today.

The annual mass brawl is one of the major events in the wrestling calendar, and promoters are delighted to have got almost fifty names on the bill to fight it out.

Former band members have been keen to sign up to take a shot at reigning champ Mark E. Smith, with several expressing a keen desire to smack him with a chair before bodyslamming him off a ladder.

Smith has dominated the event in previous years, with his signature “drunken slap” move being a firm favourite with fans.

Former Fall Bassist Simon Williams (March 17th 1983 – April 23rd 1983) told us that he’s looking forward to making a comeback to pro wrestling.

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“If there’s one thing The Fall has always truly been about it’s the fighting”, he said.

“The fans love it, the promoters love it and Mark especially loves it.”

“Some people say it’s about the spectacle, the music, the heavy, heavy drinking, but no. When all is said and done, The Fall is about no-holds barred hate-filled combat.”

Reports suggest that organisers had asked Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to take part, but Smith said he was shit on drums and refused to get in the ring unless he was fired on the spot.