My Twitter was definitely hacked confirms hungover Corbyn

author avatar by 8 years ago

A dishevelled and clearly hungover Jeremy Corbyn confirmed this morning that someone had hacked into his Twitter account and posted a series abusive messages.

The first message – ‘the Conservative Party is a poof,’ appeared at around 9pm on Sunday evening.

“No, it definitely wasn’t me,” said Mr Corbyn.

“I mean, the thought that I had one glass too many of my brother-in-law’s nettle wine and then fired off a load of ill-thought through tweets is absurd.”

The messages from Mr Corbyn’s account then followed thick and fast – ‘Ed Miliband is a big, fat loser,’ ‘David Cameron looks like laminated meat,’ ‘The Queen is shit, and she’s got a shit crown,’ ‘Up the Arsenal.’

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There then followed several tweets containing photos of Carol Vorderman, accompanied with phrases like ‘Phwoar,’ and ‘I bloody would.’

Finally the account tweeted a link to the Stone Roses’ ‘I am the resurrection,’ with the comment ‘I AM the resurrection of the Labour Party, so suck it Burham.’

“I only discovered the hack after I’d woke up and drank several pints of water,” continued Mr Corbyn

“It’s incredibly distressing.”

After further investigation, a spokesperson for Mr Corbyn confirmed that the hacker hadn’t just got into his Twitter account.

They told us, “I can confirm that the hacker also accessed Jeremy’s Facebook, posting links to various episodes of ‘Mind your Language,’ and it seems the hacker also got into Jeremy’s phone, and sent at least one text to his ex, saying that he still ‘fancied her,’ which Jeremy has asked me to confirm is untrue.

“Finally it appears the hacker spilt nettle wine all over Mr Corbyn’s laptop and phone, though how he did so is quite the mystery.”