George Osborne adds new economic excuses to classic hit ‘Labour done it’

author avatar by 8 years ago

George Osborne has decided to get his excuses in early, listing a plethora of ‘serious global threats’ to him reaching the economic goals he promised he would.

Just a few weeks after an Autumn statement in which he said the economy was growing strongly thanks to his policies, he has today explained that maybe it isn’t, but it is definitely somebody else’s fault.

The Chancellor explained, “Six weeks ago I told you the economy was growing and everything was looking good – but that was before Christmas and I wanted you all out there spending your money to prop up my Q4 numbers, so I wasn’t going to tell the truth, was I?

“In reality, I have no absolutely idea how this year is going to turn out, but you’re all getting pretty tired of me blaming a Labour government that hasn’t been in power for six years, so it’s time to freshen up the excuses a bit.

“That’s why you’ll hear me talk more about a cocktail of threats such as China, Brazil and Middle East tensions – all of which can be blamed when my economic forecasts go completely tits up.

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“Of course, when the economy faltered under Labour it was definitely their fault due to economic incompetence – but when things don’t go quite as I have planned, then it’s the fault of the global economy.

“Yes it is, shut up.”