Putin to reveal Star Wars spoilers

author avatar by 7 years ago

After supporting Donald Trump and making friends with Bashir Al-Assad, Vladimir Putin is to continue his epic campaign of trolling the West by revealing spoilers to the new Star Wars film.

The President has called a press conference later today for what he claims is ‘some really important stuff about Syria.’

However, an insider has confirmed that, having seen the Star Wars film last night, Mr Putin intends to just read out a variety of spoilers, whilst shirtless.

It is understood that Mr Putin intends to reveal who is whose Father, which robot is gay, how many midi-chlorians Brienne of Tarth has, who gets off with whose brother, if there’s any muppets in it, what happens to the younglings, and where Chewbacca gets his hair done.

It is not the first time Mr Putin has trolled the West by revealing spoilers; in 2013 he had his Secret Service hack into the BBC and reveal that Abbey Clancy had won Strictly thirty minutes before it was announced on air.

Western leaders are frantically trying to arrange screenings of the film before the press conference as they feel they will have to watch the press conference in case Mr Putin also decides to bomb someone new.