They’re called ‘Free Schools’ because they’ll soon be free of teachers, reveals Nicky Morgan

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A complete lack of any teachers whatsoever is to become the defining feature of Free Schools, according to Education Secretary Nicky Morgan.

With the average amount headmasters spend on supply teachers rising by 42% in a single year, lessons could soon be in the hands of anyone who possesses the ability to peer disapprovingly over the rim of their spectacles.

“I am committed to delivering a programme of Free Schools that are completely free of interference from qualified people who know what they’re doing,” explained Ms Morgan.

“Our children deserve the best start in life.

“No, not your children, our children.”

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Ms Morgan also dismissed criticism that the government’s method of recruiting teachers is failing.

“Teachers are leaving the profession in their thousands because we continue to increase workloads, demotivate and criticise at every opportunity.

“However, the Daily Mail will have you believe that teachers turn up at nine, bugger off at three and enjoy long relaxing holidays in the sunshine.

“On that basis we should be able to recruit thousands of gullible morons in no time at all.”