Donald Trump pledges to shut down Internet by migrating everyone to Internet Explorer

author avatar by 8 years ago

Donald Trump has suggested shutting down the Internet by migrating everyone to Internet Explorer 11.

Claiming the web is dangerous and people are being radicalised through exposure, Trump has pledged to talk to Bill Gates in an effort to make certain content unavailable by increasing buffering times until they just get bored and decide not to be terrorists after all.

Microsoft proudly boasts that downloading a single pdf copy of the Anarchists Cookbook over IE11 can take up to 17 hours, which would deter even the most dedicated jihadi.

Trump has insisted that it would not be policy to shoot people who use Chrome and Firefox on sight, but they would be encouraged to walk down the street more often which amounts to much the same thing.

“I’m gonna see Bill Gates about closing up that whole Internet doohickey,” Trump told reporters

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“We’re losing a lot of people because of the Internet.

“We have to see Bill Gates and a lot of different people that really understand what’s happening.

“We have to talk to them about, maybe in certain areas, closing that Internet up in some ways. Somebody will say, ‘Oh freedom of speech, freedom of speech.’ These are foolish people.”

Bill Gates has reportedly claimed that shutting the Internet down will be dead easy as he’ll just introduce a Windows update every half hour or so, which should kill it stone dead.