Native Americans call for ban on Christians entering the United States

author avatar by 8 years ago

Native Americans have controversially called for a complete ban on Christians of any denomination entering the US until representatives can ‘figure out what the hell is going on.’

“Seriously, you guys have screwed this place up,” said Chief Simon with Williams

“Two world wars, I don’t know how many ‘minor conflicts,’ mass-shootings, Adam Sandler, toy dogs, the Star Wars prequels. Ryan Adams covering Taylor Swift, MacDonalds; I mean, all this is bad enough but now you unleash Donald Trump on us?”

“I’m sorry, it’s extreme but we have to say enough is enough.”

The call for a ban has been seen as highly provocative to an already incredibly violent religious group whose more extreme wings are responsible for some of the worst mass-killings in US history.

“Hey, some of my best friends are Christians,” said the Chief.

“And they are good people, seriously. But until we figure out a way to tell the nice ones from the hate-filled, bigoted, war-mongering mass-killers then we’ve got to look after ourselves.”

If the ban was put in place, it would affect such world figures such as the Pope, Bono, and Bill Turnbill, and open up the US to accusations of being profoundly silly.

The chief was conciliatory, “True words, I don’t want the US looking silly. Okay, if we can’t ban all Christians, then let’s just ban Donald Trump?”