Friday 4 December 2015 by DavyWavy

Office staff terrified after dyslexic co-worker organises Secret Satan


Secret Satan

A group of office workers have succumbed to the nameless dread of the damned today after their dyslexic co-worker inadvertently organised a Secret Satan event for Christmas.

The annual event, which, is intended to be ‘a bit of a laugh’ and help staff bond over a few cheap mystery gifts with the possible opportunity for harmless flirting, has instead resulted in a river of blood and nightmarish visions out of the corner of the eye.

Workers have described how their festive decorations this year have included lights which flicker disconcertingly and a CD which is either Cliff Richard’s Greatest Christmas Hits or the tormented squealing of a thousand damned pigs, it’s difficult to be sure.

Office Junior Snimo Willmias had been asked to arrange a Secret Santa but didn’t realise his terrible error until too late.

“I had been going to get Julie in accounts a new Alice Band, but instead I was compelled to do His Dark Bidding and get her a ram’s skull and eternal torment,” he told us.

“Which I admit, isn’t particularly festive, but rules are rules, and at least I’m entering into the spirit of the whole thing.

“Plus, I’ve heard through the office grapevine that I’ll be getting a plague of huge, black, bulbous, greasy flies, which is going to really suck under my Christmas tree.”

In lighter news, a coven of dyslexic Satanists in Croydon will be getting an entirely unexpected Merry Christmas and festive cheer instead of the end of all things as they had hoped.

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