A group of office workers have succumbed to the nameless dread of the damned today after their dyslexic co-worker inadvertently organised a Secret Satan event for Christmas.
The annual event, which, is intended to be ‘a bit of a laugh’ and help staff bond over a few cheap mystery gifts with the possible opportunity for harmless flirting, has instead resulted in a river of blood and nightmarish visions out of the corner of the eye.
Workers have described how their festive decorations this year have included lights which flicker disconcertingly and a CD which is either Cliff Richard’s Greatest Christmas Hits or the tormented squealing of a thousand damned pigs, it’s difficult to be sure.
Office Junior Snimo Willmias had been asked to arrange a Secret Santa but didn’t realise his terrible error until too late.
“I had been going to get Julie in accounts a new Alice Band, but instead I was compelled to do His Dark Bidding and get her a ram’s skull and eternal torment,” he told us.
“Which I admit, isn’t particularly festive, but rules are rules, and at least I’m entering into the spirit of the whole thing.
“Plus, I’ve heard through the office grapevine that I’ll be getting a plague of huge, black, bulbous, greasy flies, which is going to really suck under my Christmas tree.”
In lighter news, a coven of dyslexic Satanists in Croydon will be getting an entirely unexpected Merry Christmas and festive cheer instead of the end of all things as they had hoped.