Internet satirists are scrambling for new ways to mock the NRA’s self-justifying bullshit after the third mass shooting this week.
Satirists have politely requested that the US reigns in the rate of mass murder to no more than one or two incidents a week as it’s hard to keep coming up with new angles on the same story.
“The thing is that when there’s a mass shooting in Europe it’s an horrendous tragedy which leads the news for weeks, but when there’s a mass shooting in America it’s a Tuesday,” we were told.
“We’re hard-working internet gobshites! We’re not trained to handle this kind of violence.”
NRA Spokesman Simon-Bob Williams took open-mouthed, silent horror as tacit support for his position.
“If you ignore the mass shootings, America has extremely low rates of gun violence. Which is actually falling,” he told reporters with a perfectly straight face.
“As an American I have the right to bear arms mumble mumble blah blah blah militia,” he said in a prepared statement.
“Look,” he added. “There was a mass shooting in Paris. That shows other countries with lax gun control are more dangerous,” neglecting to mention that the US has a Paris roughly every three months.
“You know what would solve this? More guns. They make everything better.”
He then turned and gazed at his lovely, lovely collection of guns with a tear in all three of his eyes.