Vladimir Putin to genetically engineer dinosaurs and ride them into battle

author avatar by 8 years ago

Russian President Vladimir Putin has announced his intention to genetically engineer a T-Rex and ride it into battle against ISIS today.

The dinosaur will be spliced with his own DNA to ensure absolute obedience, even during its blood-rages.

Putin has been embattled recently as the following a financial crisis in Russia and the downing of a jet by Turkey, and is believed to be seeking ever-more outrageous stunts to bolster his domestic popularity.

He is said to have decided that riding a Tyrannosaurus Rex as it devours ISIS terrorists should be enough to guarantee his return to government in the 2018 elections, especially if he threatens to have it eat anyone who votes against him.

“The President considered riding a bear, but decided that was a bit small and weak, and ‘a bit 2013’,” Kremlin spokesman Simonov Williamsovitch told us.

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“Go big or go home, he decided, so Tyrannosaurus Rex it is.

“He’s asked for one with extra-big teeth.”