David Cameron describes those who oppose airstrikes as ‘shitstick wankstains’

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Prime Minister David Cameron made an impassioned case for airstrikes in Syria yesterday, describing opponents of his plan as ‘shitsticks,’ ‘nobbers,’ and ‘wankstains’.

His comments were immediately condemned by Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn.

“It is an outrageous slur and I call on the Prime Minister to apologise; we are not shitsticks, nobbers, or wankstains,” he claimed.

“Yes you are,” said the Prime Minister

“No we’re not,” said Mr Corbyn

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“Yes you are,” said the Prime Minister

“Oh, this is just stupid,” said Mr Corbyn, who promptly stalked off in a huff.

Claiming victory in the complex and challenging intellectual debate, Mr Cameron went on to say that Mr Corbyn ‘had probably gone off to snog terrorists on the face because he loves them so much.’

It is expected that today’s ten hour debate will contain similar edifying exchanges with George Osborne prepared to call John McDonnell a ‘big hairy cock,’ and Hilary Benn likely to further the rift in the Labour party by describing his leader as a ‘bearded tosser,’ for opposing the airstrikes.

The general public has been surprisingly engaged by the high-minded debate.

“Airstrikes?” said one man.

“The only way airstrikes would make us all safer would be if we launched one on the House of Commons while that debate was going on.”