UKIP has commissioned a new nativity play in which the true heroes are the innkeepers who insisted they were full, despite increasing left-wing liberal pressure.
The hastily-written Christmas rewrite will tell the story of the brave indigenous innkeepers struggling to hold back the tide of illegal immigrants flooding in from Nazareth.
A UKIP spokesperson explained, “As good Christians, we decided to create a version of the nativity that best represents the Bible’s teachings, particularly the bit that says ‘shut the door on your neighbours’ – especially if they come by donkey from a generally eastern direction.
“The brave heroes in our play see through the ‘plight’ of these so-called immigrants, who clearly think the people of Bethlehem are something of a soft touch.
“It’s not like there weren’t beds available in Nazareth, but no, they decided to head to Bethlehem in the hope of getting free handouts such as gold, frankincense and myrrh.
“In our version of the nativity, the heroic innkeepers turn away the immigrants and instead manage to let rooms to three passing kings, who are obviously perfectly welcome because they have money to pay their way.
“The moral of the story? It’s fairly obvious, isn’t it? It’s that rejecting immigrants and blindly trusting market forces is the way to a happy Christmas.”