Labour in crisis over Jeremy Corbyn’s decision to implement Secret Santa

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Jeremy Corbyn’s decision to do a Secret Santa at the Labour Christmas lunch has seen the Party riven with splits and infighting.

“It’s not gone down well,” said an insider.

“Tristram Hunt is muttering about setting up a separate Christmas Lunch and not inviting Jeremy and the others.”

It is understood that the principal bone of contention is that the price has been set at £20.

“That’s loads, isn’t it? For a Secret Santa, I mean. I think Jeremy’s idea was that we’d all donate it to, you know, immigrants and that.

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“But balls to that. I mean, if I’ve got to spend twenty quid on Ken bloody Livingstone then I want a decent bloody present for my troubles; the new Jurassic Park Blu-ray or one of those six-foot Toblerones.”

But there is also the classic Secret Santa problem of having to buy a present for someone with whom you are not necessarily on the best of terms.

Diane Abbott is reportedly furious that she’s got Hilary Benn, and wants her request to swap to be reviewed despite being against Party regulations, whilst Yvette Cooper is understood to be pondering the logistics of defecating into a jiffy bag after getting John McDonnell.

Mr Corbyn has decided to let the current crisis pass before announcing that the lunch will take place at an unlicensed YMCA and everyone will be expected to bring a dish.