Cinemas will show a version of the Lord’s Prayer after Michael Bay was given $300m to add more explosions.
Shia LeBeouf has been cast in the lead role, which will see him facing various trials such Kingdom preparation, searching for bread each day, and emotional forgiveness of a trespasser, culminating in some spectacular delivery from evil.
Church of England spokesperson Simon Williams said that they had been left with no option after cinemas said they would not show their boring original version.
He told us, “Fortunately as a religious organisation we are obscenely rich, so getting Michael Bay on board was a no-brainer.”
“Michael is enthusiastic about the project, and negotiations were straightforward, particularly when we said yes every time he asked if he could crash, burn or explode something.”
“Our meetings were positive, and we look forward to seeing the revised script soon.”
“The ‘Deliver us from Evil’ bit is going to have some incredible explosions apparently – imagine an apocalyptic battle of good versus evil, but with a couple of transformers and set inside a fireworks factory.”
A spokesperson for the cinema industry defended the decision not to show the original Lord’s Prayer video.
They told us, “We specialise in showing completely made up fantasy stories, but even we had to draw the line at an omnipotent super-being watching over everyone.”
“A cinema audience can only suspend disbelief for so long, and religious ideas take it just a bit too far – and I say that as someone who thinks Avengers 2 ‘could happen’.”
“But add some explosions and we’re all in. Make it 3D you’ve got yourself a hit.”