All future interactions between Labour Party MPs are to be conducted exclusively on The Jeremy Kyle Show, a Labour spokesperson has confirmed.
The decision came after a series of televised spats between Labour MPs led to a lightbulb moment for Jeremy Corbyn.
“The electorate loves this stuff,” he explained, “at first I was concerned that airing our dirty laundry in public would make us look weak, but I’m starting to realise that this is all just a part of the more honest, transparent politics I’ve been campaigning for.”
Labour Shadow Chancellor, John McDonnell revealed that budgetary considerations factored into the move.
He said, “The Labour Party clearly needs therapy,” he sighed, “but we also need to prove that we’re fiscally responsible.”
“The Jeremy Kyle Show is basically free counselling with half the waiting time of NHS mental health services.”
“Unlike the Tories, we can’t afford a £500-per-hour private psychotherapist for every little disagreement.”
The first few episodes are due to air this week, entitled: “DNA Dramas: Time For My ’70s Lover to Step Up”, “MPs, Accept Your New Dad” and “Iraq – The Lie Detector Results Are Finally Almost In. Probably.”
Corbyn defended the move, which has once again split the Labour Party, insisting, “OK, so a couple of people needed a bit of convincing, but Mr Kyle is a down-to-earth, no-nonsense mediator.”
“What you see is what you get. I mean, anyone called Jeremy has to be alright in my book.”
“At first I was concerned about the live studio audience jeering insensitively, but they’re actually a great deal more reasonable than that House of Commons lot.”