Doctor Who terror threat alert level raised to ‘hide behind the sofa’

author avatar by 9 years ago

The Doctor Who terror alert level has been raised from ‘peek between your fingers’ to ‘hide behind the sofa’ after events this weekend.

Security experts say the increased level indicates a clear threat of an imminent attack by Davros.

The death of companion Clara has led viewers to expect an escalation in terror, most likely a distorted camera angle representing a monster sneaking up on a victim who turns around and screams at the last moment.

The last time a companion died – Adric, in the 1980s – the terror level was immediately lowered from ‘run down the cardboard corridor’ to ‘have a bit of a party.’

“Obviously we’re very concerned about the threat from not only the Daleks, but also from the Sontarans, the Wirrn, the Nestene Consciousness and the last of the Jaggaroth,” Gallifreyan security consultant 51-mon W-1-lliams told us.

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“And with Christmas on the way, there’s a significantly increased danger of some sort of seasonally appropriate, jolly, red-and-white themed alien menace emerging to threaten humanity for about an hour.”

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has responded to the alert by saying it is time for the Doctor to enter good faith negotiations with Davros.

However, a Dalek spokesman responded “Exterminate!’