Collection for Katie Hopkins breaks world record for ‘Most Shit in One Envelope’

author avatar by 8 years ago

A ‘Get Well Soon’ collection for Katie Hopkins has gone horribly wrong, according to sources this morning.

The collection was started by a kind-hearted individual who noticed that most of Katie Hopkins’ sympathy cards seemed to have come from herself.

“It started well,” said Marvin Tyler, the kind-hearted hospital porter.

“I managed to put a quid in to start the ball rolling, and at no point did I defecate into the envelope, despite the obvious temptation.”

“But then I gave it to one of our senior surgeons and he got a mad glint in his eye when I told him who it was for, but he promised to pass it round anyway.”

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Senior surgeon, Dr. Simon Williams, said “it’s been a truly fulfilling day.”

“I well and truly dropped my bollocks into that envelope, and I’m very proud of my team for pitching in as well. Dr. Barry didn’t contribute quite as much, but I know he’s on a high protein diet these days so I’ll let him off.”

“I’d particularly like to highlight the contribution of Nurse Fletcher. God knows what she’s been eating lately but her contribution was worthy of a slow-motion replay which I definitely won’t be watching alone later.”

Marvin Tyler said “I cannot describe the horror that was returned to me at the end of the day.”

“It’s so utterly revolting, I almost don’t want to give it to Katie.”