Angels face bribery inquiry after Sepp Blatter ‘near death experience’

author avatar by 9 years ago

The Angels are at the centre of a fresh Fifa bribery scandal after sources claimed Sepp Blatter tried to bribe his way into the afterlife.

Blatter revealed that during a near death experience he was “among the angels singing and the devil with the fire. But it was the angels who sang”.

79-year-old Blatter, currently serving a 90-day suspension from his post as Fifa’s president, told Swiss TV channel RTS, “I was very close to death but the angels determined that I hadn’t fully crossed the line.”

A spokesangel insisted that no wrongdoing had taken place but the devil has contacted Fifa’s ethics committee and urged them to carry out a full investigation into the incident.

“It’s a bit of a coincidence that the angels have suddenly got pristine wings and nice new harps to strum on,” he blasted.

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“My bid to host Blatter for all eternity was solid.”

“It just doesn’t add up.”