We need a clear UN mandate for action, says Neville Chamberlain

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Neville Chamberlain has been loudly cheered by his supporters after insisting he would not support military action in Europe without a clear mandate from the United Nations.

With a tidal wave of human misery sweeping across the continent displacing entire populations, Chamberlain has insisted that the dispatch of an expeditionary force to confront the problem at source would make no difference.

Despite the ongoing and daily murder of prisoners, homosexuals, jews, gypsies, and anyone else who takes their fancy, Chamberlain categorically stated it was important to have a wide-ranging debate to get support from waverers like Burkina Faso and the SNP before doing anything much about it.

“My intention is to seek a political solution to this crisis”, he told reporters. “In which a coalition government of disparate groups can be installed in Europe with the consent of everyone.”

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“I call for an international peace conference to be convened with the Third Reich ’empty chaired’ if they decline to attend. ”

“That should have them quaking in their boots.”

In order to ensure a civilised discussion and that nobody has their feelings hurt, vocal anti-Reich agitators will be ‘no platformed’ at debates.

Chamberlain stressed that the extent of the mayhem called for ‘urgent debate’, and to move things forward has invited everyone to his office for a nice sit down over a cup of tea and some bourbon creams as soon as they’ve got a minute.