A Daily Mail poll has revealed that six out of ten Britons want the RAF to bomb Syria in the hope of creating a fresh wave of refugees that they can complain about.
With 53% of Britons also backing closing the door to Syrian refugees, experts predict that a bombing campaign could produce enough outrage to power a city the size of Birmingham.
Daily Mail reader Miriam Cross, who has been in a continual state of outrage since 1982, backed calls for large explosions that she won’t see on television.
“We have to do something,” she said.
“Thinking about the consequences only clouds my judgement, so we need to act now before it’s too late.”
Ministers are increasingly confident of winning a vote on military action after recent figures revealed the use of Caps Lock and exclamation marks has increased by a whopping 75% since this time last year.
“A surge in online finger-shouting is a clear mandate for military action,” insisted a government spokesperson.
“The readers’ comments on the Mail Online have always been difficult to comprehend but they now resemble a tin of Alphabetti Spaghetti that’s been thrown through an extractor fan.”
“We simply can’t ignore that level of public feeling.”