The Nobel Prize for Physics has been awarded to a man who successfully connected to the free wi-fi in his local Wetherspoons.
The achievement was widely regarded as a functional impossibility by the scientific community, but peer-review of his actions has concluded that he did indeed connect for long enough to check the final scores and his lottery numbers whilst having a pint of Speckled Hen.
Local plumber Simon Williams said it was a bit of a surprise when his phone connected without any fuss, but he wasn’t complaining about the 8 Million Krone prize money and big gold medal which would look right jim-dandy hanging over the fireplace.
“The existence of free wi-fi occupies an interesting position within the concept of superposition in quantum theory, in that it can always be seen when you look for it but it’s never there when you actually try to connect,” Knud Sorenson of the Nobel committee told us.
“Under normal circumstances you can only connect to wi-fi you haven’t looked for, like when you’re trying to check your email over 4G at the station and it just won’t stop connecting to Cafe Nero.
“By both seeing free wi-fi, and simultaneously connecting to it, Mr Williams managed to resolve it to a superposition of states such that it exists in both at the same time – visible and connected.
“Trust me on this, that defies all known laws of Physics. We’re going to have to rewrite the lot from the ground up.
“My brain hurts,” he added.
Inspired by his success, Simon says he hopes to win the Nobel prize for Chemistry next year by teaching the Americans how to make a decent cup of tea.