Absolutely everyone suddenly an expert on how to defeat ISIS

author avatar by 9 years ago

Absolutely everyone is suddenly an expert on how to defeat ISIS, according to reports today.

The Islamic State – who really hate being called the Da’esh so you should probably start doing that – have proven an intractable foe for several years, but all of a sudden everyone on the Internet has a solution which has eluded the world’s finest minds to date.

Popular suggestions include bombing the organisation back to the Stone Age, which unfortunately skips the fact much of the Da’esh is already there and actually quite like it.

Similarly popular is to reject unilateral action and insist on a coordinated international response through the UN, which has the advantage of ensuring the moral high ground, tempered only by the disadvantage of there being no chance whatsoever of it actually happening.

Meanwhile many American commenters insist the only way to avoid terrorist atrocities and mass shootings is to ensure everyone is armed, a strategy that has been working out tremendously well for them at home lately.

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“I reject the idea of a complex, messy solution which risks me getting it wrong,” Internet general Simon Williams told us.

“I’d like to see members of the Da’esh arrested and tried but obviously I don’t want to see British troops deployed.”

“The fact that the government has failed to accommodate my contradictory wishes means I win the Internet and they don’t deserve to be in power.”

“So there,” he added, smugly.

One common suggestion is that the world could prevent the deaths of innocents by closing their borders to refugees, a great idea which is only slightly undermined by the fact it would condemn untold numbers of innocents to death.

Any suggestion that defeating the Da’esh will be time-consuming, very expensive, involve grubby compromises and certainly feature people we like dying has been rejected as completely unacceptable.