NHS plans aren’t doomed to fail, they’re designed to fail, reveals Jeremy Hunt

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Jeremy Hunt has hit back at suggestions that the government’s health reforms are doomed to fail by insisting they are working perfectly to plan.

The health minister responded to the prospect of junior doctors staging a three-day strike by carrying out several fist pumps and a celebratory moonwalk.

“I did think that when I co-authored a book calling for the NHS to be dismantled I’d ruled myself out of being appointed health minister,” he explained.

“The prime minister promised that the NHS is safe in his hands, and he felt the book combined with my support for homeopathy made me the perfect choice to fulfil that promise.”

Doctors have expressed concerns that with the busy winter period approaching and services already at breaking point, the NHS is heading towards collapse.

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“To give you an idea of how long people are waiting to be treated, there’s a guy currently sat in A&E wearing a ‘Free Nelson Mandela’ T-shirt,” one doctor told us.

With increasing public concern over levels of immigration, the government is expected to deflect attention away from their handling of the ailing health service by focusing the blame elsewhere.

“I was in A&E the other day and it was full of immigrants,” revealed a Downing Street spokesperson.

“One bandaged my arm and another took me for an x-ray.”