Police in danger of bankruptcy after motorists stick to speed limit

author avatar by 9 years ago

Police forces throughout Britain are in danger of almost immediate bankruptcy after motorists decided to stick to the speed limit.

Drivers throughout the country have been pottering along at a sedate 30 MPH this morning, except on the M25 where they rarely got to about 10, resulting in a sudden and potentially fatal fall in police funding.

Force commanders across the country were quick to criticise ‘selfish drivers’ for not thrashing the arse off their vehicles as their livelihoods depend on the fines levied upon them.

Chief constable Simon Williams told us, “Christmas is coming; it’s the most expensive time of the year for the force. Officers need bonuses and they’ve got to buy presents.”

“And what do those bastards do? They slow down, that’s what they do.”

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“How the hell are we to afford fancy new squad cars now? Or those neat new lightsabre toys? We’ll have to buy stuff off ebay instead.”

To tackle the problem, police have announced immediate £150 on the spot fines for dog fouling and littering, which they expect to make them billions ‘especially in Hartlepool’.