An office worker who decorated her desk with tinsel and Christmas trinkets is unlikely to still be with us by the weekend, according to sources this morning.
Deborah Williams, a self-proclaimed ‘Christmas fanatic’, said she had waited until the start of November to decorate her desk, and is now delighted with the way it is currently looking.
Her colleague Dave Matthews told us, “It’s the 13th November.
“I noticed this morning that she had an advent calendar specially made that has a box for every day in November as well.
“There is a tree and fake Christmas presents on her desk, and every morning she greets you with something like ‘only 58 more days till Santa comes!’.
“Seriously. I have never plotted to kill someone before, but this is starting to feel entirely justified. I’m not sure there’s a jury in the land that would convict us.”
Williams went on to explain that the plot now involved all departments across the business, including everyone from the mailroom to the Chief Executive.
He continued, “We have a plan with the company on the floor below, who have their own Deborah – so we’ve done a deal that’s all a little bit ‘Strangers on a Train‘.
“Trust me, I’ll be surrounded by eyewitnesses happy to provide an alibi when Deborah is inevitably bludgeoned to death in her own home using nothing but her musical elf statue.
“You know what, this is all starting to make me feel more Christmassy already.”