Pest controller loves job in which he can kill thousands of things every day

author avatar by 9 years ago

Local pest controller Simon Williams has spoken of his love for a career in which every day he gets to kill potentially thousands of living creatures.

Williams told us, “There is no other vocation in which you have the power to terminate the lives of living creatures with such wanton abandon.”

“And people actually thank you for it.”

“I wake up every morning and wonder how many lives I will take, and how alive that will make me feel. I’m sure that’s normal, right?”

“Just yesterday I beat a couple of rats to death with a hammer, there was blood and rat guts everywhere – it was magnificent – and yet the lady who called me added me to her Christmas card list.”

NewsThump best selling notebooks

“I am truly blessed.”

Williams said he did not want people to judge him, claiming that if he did not see his bloodlust sated by killing unwanted animals and bugs, he would probably end up working in government.

Williams added, “I still might actually, I’d join the Department for Work and Pensions tomorrow if they let us start culling old people.”