Jeremy Corbyn in anti-Monarchy, pro-ISIS, IRA-loving ‘sandwich’ controversy

author avatar by 9 years ago

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn popped out to a local café for a sandwich yesterday and found himself at the centre of an anti-Monarchy, pro-ISIS, IRA-loving, Boko Haram-sympathising, British army veteran-hating, communist, anarchist scandal.

“He ordered a sandwich,” said the café owner, a Muslim who may or may not have been radicalised.

Onlookers reported that whilst ordering the sandwich, he refused to denounce either ISIS, Boko Haram or the IRA.

“No, he just sat there and ate the sandwich,” said a fellow patron, potentially harbouring anarcho-communist opinions herself.

At no point during his time at the café did Mr Corbyn sing the National Anthem.

As he left the café, he donated his change to a homeless Army veteran of the Afghanistan war, almost certainly because he believed the man to be a Marxist.

After ten minutes of trying to recruit the honest veteran to his malign cause, Mr Corbyn returned to his office, possibly to spend the afternoon supporting Hamas.

This scandal comes hot on the heels of yesterday’s ‘Pro-Eta cup of tea’ scandal, and his recent ‘Going to the toilet whilst God save the Queen was played somewhere’ scandal.

Constitutional experts have been quick to point out that seventy years ago, Mr Corbyn would have been hung for having a communist beard.

Meanwhile the Prime Minister bravely moved ahead with plans to help the poor feel like less of a burden on normal people by heroically reducing their benefits.