Tom Jones has expressed relief at being proven right in his belief he has black ancestry, after a DNA test confirmed a link with relatives based in Africa over 200,000 years ago.
The Welsh sun absorbent said the revelation had left him determined to make up for lost time and emulate black culture in ways his musical output had so abysmally failed to.
“I have been constantly asked throughout my career whether I am a black man heralding from the Welsh valleys,” he told reporters.
“But anyone looking at my dance moves could attest this suggestion was unlikely – however some of the best goat curries I’ve ever had come from Pontypridd.”
“I myself began to doubt my Caucasian roots having watched the box set of Desmond’s for the fifth time in succession on my last tour.”
“Mid-way through the second series I decided enough was enough and that I ought to take a DNA test.”
“The result is as shocking as any album I’ve released in the last decade.”
Police forces across Britain have warned Jones to expect very different treatment than he has become accustomed to from this point on.
“If Mr Jones wished travel freely around the roads of the UK, then as a black man, he needs to get rid of that BMW as that guarantees you at least two stop and searches per B-road.”
Jones later confirmed reports he had instructed Madame Tussauds to replace the hair of his wax work with 2-foot long dreadlocks.