There’s good money in selling masks to anti-capitalists, say capitalists

author avatar by 7 years ago

Global corporations are today counting their profits from selling masks to anti-capitalist protesters for their protests yesterday.

Time Warner, which owns the rights to the iconic Guy Fawkes masks, reported a sharp jump in share price after protesters announced more demonstrations were planned.

Insurance companies and firework manufacturers are also ‘very pleased’ with projections of bumper profits.

Car manufacturers have pledged to seek to make ‘less flammable but more expensive’ cars to sell to police forces in the event of future disturbances.

“Yeah, I could weave my own balaclava from ethically sourced organic wool,” Anonymous member Simon Williams told us over a pumpkin moccachino latte.

“But I’m too busy playing Assassin’s Creed Syndicate on the Xbox to spend all that time.

“It’s a great game, all about how capitalists are evil and killing them, and I’m really glad Microsoft and Ubisoft sold it to me.”

Although both anti-capitalist protesters and global corporations are reported to be ‘delighted’ by the outcome of last night’s demonstrations, police have asked if they’d mind reigning it in a bit as they’d much prefer to be out arresting actual criminals rather than babysitting second-year English Lit students who think dressing up and setting cars on fire makes them Che Guevara.