Fireworks are nothing more than an obvious tool of the patriarchy, claims one very angry woman this morning.
The mostly phallic explosives have apparently been forcing themselves onto a presumably female sky for centuries.
“And frankly it’s time it stopped,” insisted Rosie Jones, a lady who simply won’t let you agree with her until you pop on a dress, probably.
“How long have these rocket-schlongs been forcing themselves up through the sky, before exploding and scattering their seed all over a non-consenting mother-earth?”
“The time for change is now, and we won’t stop until every rocket is decommissioned.”
“In that regard, we can probably re-use some of the placards from our last Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament, which is lucky as I don’t want to ask my husband to knock up any more.”
Another feminist, Alex Thornton of no fixed abode, said “yeah, I’m not really down with this.”
“As a feminist who is also a sane person, I basically want equal pay, the right to choose my own birth control and the ability to walk down the street without getting whistled at by some twonk on a scaffold.”
“I’m less bothered about fireworks. They can fuck the sky all they want.”
When asked how she would destroy the fireworks, Rosie Jones said “burn them, obviously.”