Health Minister Jeremy Hunt will offer thousands of junior doctors loads of cheap speed as part of a new pay offer.
The offer takes the form of a letter from Mr Hunt that will be sent to every junior doctor in the country this morning.
“Dear underling,” the letter begins.
“In an effort to put an end to your incessant bleating and whinging about having to work more hours than there actually are in a day, please find a new remuneration settlement.”
The letter then details the offer.
“Basic wage – 25K, which is nearly a quarter of what I earn and I’m at least ten times more important as you, so that’s nice.”
Then comes the controversial offer of the illegal drug.
“We will also be funding a dealer in a local low-rent pub to provide you with as much speed as required to get you through the night.”
“Just look for a dreadlocked man in the Gents toilets and tell them Jez sent you.”
The BMA have slammed the offer.
“This offer is an out and out disgrace that shows the contempt that this Government has for junior doctors,” said a BMA representative.
“I mean, a load of cheap speed? They could have at least offered some decent quality cocaine.”