Brighton man Simon Williams came into the office this morning wearing a flashing Halloween pumpkin tie that, with grim inevitability, plays ‘Monster Mash’.
“It’s a bit of fun, isn’t it?” said Mr Williams, ignoring all evidence to the contrary.
“I mean, I’m just a bit of a nutter, you know? I like to crack people up. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I work bloody hard, which I suppose why I like to play hard too, why I’m a bit mental and everything.”
Mr Williams demonstrated the hilarity of the neckwear by waving it in front of a colleague while it flashed and a cheap electronic version of ‘Monster Mash’ rang out.
His colleague’s face betrayed the merest flicker of rage before she walked away from Mr Williams in silence.
“No, she’s just having a bad day; time of the month or something. Normally she thinks I’m a right laugh.”
Mr Williams confirmed that he is as hilarious as this at all times of the year
“Oh yeah, I mean, at Easter, I wore an actual Easter Bonnet. You know, for ladies and everything. My manager made me take it off, but you could tell she was trying not to crack up.”
“And I’ve got this big white beard I wear at Christmas and then try and get the girls to sit on my lap and everything. I mean, they don’t but that’s not the point. It’s just really good banter, you know?”
Mr Williams is expected to be taken into police custody for his own protection.