Hipsters are moving away from traditional tattoo artists in favour of just getting under-fives to draw on them, fashion experts report today.
The vogue for retro-styled arty, abstract body ink is seen as old hat and fashion victims are increasingly looking for new ways to look a massive, massive pillock.
Instead of getting a paid professional to scrawl an unrecognisable doodle on their anatomy, the coolest of the cool are now giving crayons to small children and telling them to go for it on their torso.
“I was going to get an old fashioned ‘Mum & Dad’ tattoo on my forearm,” hipster Simon Williams told us whilst ironing pleats into his beard.
“But them I thought ‘Why not get a five year old to do it in felt-tip instead?'”
“It’s cheaper, better quality, and all my friends will think it top-hole and dashed spiffing.”
The procedure is not without risks, as Simon went on to warn us that he had “i smell of bum-wee” inscribed on his chest for several weeks recently until it wore off.
“Fortunately no girls saw it,” he added.
Artists materials range from coloured pencil and crayon right up to a 1 inch permanent chisel-tip marker for the truly hardcore.
Hipster-saturated districts of London and New York are already awash with men carrying pictures of houses with curly smoke coming out of them, what might be a horse, the word ‘Dady’ next to an horrendous mutant, and “i am five”, which seems oddly apt.