‘Awkward silence’ after Cameron and Jinping get drunk and wake up together

author avatar by 9 years ago

The last day of the Chinese state visit to Britain has been marred by awkward silences after David Cameron and Xi Jinping went to the pub last night and woke up together this morning.

The two leaders were reported to have got along well during the visit this week, although the degree of their bonding had been underestimated until the third or fourth pint yesterday evening, when observers described events as taking an ‘unexpected turn’.

Details precisely what happened next are murky, but we can confirm Whitehall has slapped an official ‘D-notice’ on photographs of the Prime Ministerial car driving back to Chequers meaning they cannot be reproduced.

Breakfast at the Prime Minister’s official residence was apparently ‘frosty’ this morning, with Cameron’s wife hardly speaking to him and Cameron and Jinping clearly not knowing where to look or what to say.

“The idea was that the two would simply go to a pub and have a pint and maybe share some chips as a photo opportunity,” a government insider told us.

NewsThump Best sellers

“But then it turned out that jinPing was a fiend for Jagerbombs and wanted to let his hair down a bit whilst he was away from home.”

“Frankly, I don’t have words to describe what happened next, and nor would I wish to, but the two departed for Chequers in the Prime Ministerial limousine at about 10:30.”

The two men are due to make a joint statement before Jinping flies back to China, in which the two leaders are expected to reaffirm ties of trade and friendship between Britain and China and to bemoan that fact that they don’t know how to quit you.