TalkTalk customers to learn about hack next time they manage to get on Internet

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TalkTalk customers are expected to learn that their personal details may have been hacked just as soon as they can borrow a reliable Internet connection from someone.

Police say that the TalkTalk website was the victim of a ‘sustained and well organised attack’ that could have accessed the details of the sort of people willing to put up with a TalkTalk account.

As one cyber expert explained, “These details are particularly valuable to customers, because the sort of people who are willing to use TalkTalk as their Internet Service Provider are more than likely going to believe any old shite that you spout at them down the phone.”

“In the criminal underworld, TalkTalk customers are the hottest of hot leads.”

Over the coming days and weeks, TalkTalk customers are expected to learn of the hack as they manage to latch onto the wi-fi networks of friends and relatives to receive the email telling them about it.

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TalkTalk customer Simon Williams told us, “Hack? What hack?”

“I haven’t seen any online news this morning, mainly because my connection was playing up again. It does that from time to time.”

“I tried calling support but I couldn’t get through. I’m guessing they’re just a bit busy today.”

“I’m sure if it’s really important, and I absolutely have to know about it, they will write to me via the postal service. I think that still works?”