Alleged ‘newspaper’ the Daily Mail today claimed a victory on behalf of its readers for something or other.
After a week of vague, emotive front page headlines like ‘DISGRACE,’ ‘THEY JUST DON’T GET IT,’ and ‘GHASTLY BLACKS,’ the phrase ‘Victory for the Daily Mail’ appeared on this morning’s front page.
Although no one has yet been found willing enough to sell their soul by actually reading the article, there is speculation that it contains several uses of the phrase ‘Of course, the Daily Mail has said this for many years,’ ‘sodomites,’ and ‘so, hopefully now they can all be sent back to exactly where they belong.’
The ‘victory’ is likely to be an apology gleaned by engaging the subject in conversation and talking very quietly until the subject his forced to say ‘sorry?’ in an attempt to clarify what was just said.
It is also likely regarding a topic that will make members of a minority group feel bad about themselves.
Readers are expected to celebrate the triumph by staring fixedly at the inevitable surreptitiously taken bikini shot of a young minor royal and dribbling a little.