We need more black police, insists predominantly white privately educated cabinet of millionaires

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Police forces need more black and Asian officers to more accurately represent their communities, insisted a room of predominantly white privately educated millionaires this morning.

Home Secretary Theresa May said that police in England and Wales do not represent the communities they serve, and must increase ethnic diversity.

She told reporters, “If as a group you want to be respected by the people you’re tasked with looking after, then maybe you should include a few more people in your group that are a bit ‘like’ them?”

“Police have a position of power, so if that power is to be respected by the people then they need to look at the police and see a version of themselves.”

“Just like people do when they look at myself and my cabinet colleagues.”

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“Who doesn’t look at George Osborne and think ‘he’s just a normal guy, just like me’?”

“Except, you know, with a vast inherited wealth, an expensive private education and never having done a proper days work in his life.”

“But they clearly think he’s still just a normal guy ‘just like me, making the rules by which I must live my life’.”

“That’s why we’re so relatable as a cabinet – and that’s what we want from our police forces. But the police don’t have the political skills we do, so they need to employ more ethnic minorities to their ranks.”

“Look, if you don’t get it, just do as I say not as I do, ok?”