Monday 19 October 2015 by Gary Stanton

Former Manchester United players in ‘shred of human decency’ shock

Giggs and Neville help homeless

Football fans the world over are having to admit that two ex Manchester United stars are at some level fundamentally decent, this morning.

Ryan Giggs and Gary Neville announced yesterday that the homeless are welcome to doss in their luxury Stock Exchange development until the glaciers withdraw from Manchester next April.

Homeless man, Simon Williams, said Neville agreed to the plan during a two-hour phone conversation, in which he chose not to raise the player’s ongoing moustache problems.

Meanwhile, thousands of grateful homeless people have been left scratching their heads in disbelief, though this was later confirmed to be a lice infestation.

While cynics have predictably branded the exercise as a huge PR victory, Giggs has given a firm assurance that he will not shag any of the vagrants’ partners.

Neville said “We’ve got Jamie Oliver coming in to cook Christmas dinner and instruct the residents on the proper use of tin foil.”

“We’re going to do things properly,” said Williams.

“Everyone will have their own room and a lock on their bedroom door to prevent Giggs getting in.”

Other football celebs are expected to follow suit and Chelsea bad boy, John Terry, has vowed to open up his Knightsbridge mansion to squatters with poor lip-reading skills.

Terry said, “We all need to do our bit and I, for one, can identify with anyone forced to spend an increasing amount of time on a bench.”

Last night Neville said he welcomed homeless people from all backgrounds, although a number of door staff will be employed to weed out the scousers.

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