by 
Office worker Simon Williams has spent the morning devising cruel and unusual punishments for the utter bastard that deliberately used his coffee cup.
The crime was uncovered at approximately 9:15 this morning, after Williams realised his normal cup was not in the cupboard in the kitchen area.
He told reporters, “I thought maybe it was still in the dishwasher, but no. I still didn’t believe someone could be so heartless as to take it, so I just assumed it had been put away somewhere else by mistake.”
“Then, at approximately 11, I saw it. There in the sink, soiled. Grubby and with dried coffee stains running down the outside that you only get from sloppy coffee drinkers.”
“What sort of morally corrupt heartless individual uses another man’s coffee cup? Is nothing sacred?”
“Is this what today’s society has really become? Some sort of dystopian hedonistic free-for-all where coffee simply gets poured into the nearest clean receptacle, regardless of who it belongs to?”
“I will not stand for it. I will hunt them down, and trust me, someone will pay.”
“And they will pay dearly.”
Williams was last seen trawling the dark web for homemade explosives recipes and hitmen for hire.
