Playboy to compete with Littlewoods catalogue lingerie section

author avatar by 9 years ago

Hugh Hefner has declared Playboy’s non-nude redesign the perfect way to challenge the dominance of the lingerie section of the Littlewoods catalogue.

The Editor-in-Chief of the top-shelf title is keen to the corner the market dominated by the schoolboy’s go-to toss-fodder, with the removal of Playboy’s key selling point critical to achieving his goal.

In a statement released through the magazine’s PR representative, Simon Williams, the coddled scroat revealed his envy of the free-issue catalogue.

“Playboy could only dream of the kind of circulation the Littlewoods catalogue continues to maintain to this day,” he said.

“Schoolboys unable to access Internet porn appear to be particularly keen on its lurid lingerie section, where the merest glimpse of a pubic attribute peeking out is sufficient to send adolescents into a frenzy.”

“It is this kind of sexual subtlety, mere suggestion, which Playboy has been lacking since its inception, and one which in my dotage I am as willing to embrace as any botox-pumped 18-year-old.”

The octogenarian vowed to base Playboy’s future marketing around the model employed by Littlewoods.

“If we can rebrand obvious smut, and place it in amongst household objects such as sub-standard kettles then perhaps Playboy can become a more mainstream title available lower down the shelves.”

“Failing that, we’ll run a few stories about how ‘grown up’ a celebrity’s child looks in her ‘skimpy bikini’ and we can sell it like a newspaper.”

“It works just fine for the Daily Mail.”