Labour yesterday held a piss-up just round the corner from a brewery after failing to organise the event inside the brewery itself.
It was declared a moderate success by all involved.
“I think we’ve learnt a great deal from last night’s piss-up,” said leader Jeremy Corbyn whilst not singing the National Anthem.
“Would it have been preferable to have held the piss-up in the brewery? Yes, quite possibly.”
“I think it’s fair to say that one of my goals as leader will be return Labour to a state where it could conceivably organise it’s piss-ups in actual breweries, but it’s early days. We’re learning.”
Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell is thought to have been the architect of the piss-up plan.
“Yes, originally I had planned to hold the piss-up in the brewery,” said Mr McDonnell.
“And I think that it’s important to make clear that I definitely could have organised it if I wanted to, but I made a tactical decision to hold the piss-up nearby instead.”
The failure to organise the piss-up in the brewery will come as a blow to a Labour leadership who only last week proved able to correctly distinguish between their arse and a hole in the ground.
“It’s my arse,” said Mr McDonnell, pointing to the ground.
“No, wait. No, that’s a hole in the ground. Definitely.”