Tuesday 13 October 2015

Police call time on cunning plan for Julian Assange to accidentally walk outside

Julian Assange

Police have stopped guarding the Ecuadorian embassy, finally admitting the failure of their cunning plan for Julian Assange to forget where he is and wander outside.

After spending £12m over three years on the exercise, police have reluctantly called time on Operation Hopefully Julian Assange Is An Idiot.

A police spokesperson told us, “We felt that £12m was an acceptable amount of money to spend on assuming that a man capable of developing Wikileaks under the noses of global intelligence was actually stupid enough to walk outside after forgetting he is a world-renowned fugitive effectively under house arrest.”

“You know how sometimes you walk into a room and forget why you went in? We were kinda hoping Operation Hopefully Julian Assange Is An Idiot would lead to something a bit like that, except with him going outside and directly into the arms of waiting police officers.”

“We genuinely thought it was a solid plan, but three years and £12m is probably long enough.”

“Of course, we’ll be bloody annoyed if someone posts photos of Julian Assange in the street outside the embassy tomorrow wearing a dressing gown and looking confused.”

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