A retrospective investigation into the murder of Marvin Acme has revealed Roger Rabbit was not framed by the evil Judge Doom, but in fact by new Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn.
“There were just so many holes in the case,” said retired private investigator Simon Williams.
“You only need to watch the film to see the level of slapstick involved in the investigation. Rule number 1 of murder investigation; avoid slapstick at all costs.”
But the more Mr Williams looked into the case, the more the evidence pointed to a very unlikely culprit.
“Corbyn is well-known to be active in the eighties, he certainly had an axe to grind with the upper echelons of society, such as Roger Rabbit, and crucially, as the Prime Minister made clear yesterday, Jeremy Corbyn is a terrifyingly evil threat to all decent society.”
Shockingly, the police are not interested in these new developments.
“I think Corbyn’s nefarious influence has reached the highest levels inside the police force, so I’ve gone straight to the press.”
“The Daily Mail, the Sun; they’re interested. They’ve printed more ridiculous claims about him. We’re going to blow this thing right open.”
But Mr Williams believes that this is just beginning of Mr Corbyn’s crimes.
“The potential extent of this guy’s crimes is terrifying. I’m looking into the murder of Lucy Beale, who shot JR, and I’m fairly sure that Jeremy Corbyn is Rosebud.”