Russia orders Syrian air strikes because fuck you that’s why

author avatar by 9 years ago

Russia has commenced air strikes against anybody they damn well please in Syria because fuck you, they have confirmed today.

Premier Vladimir Putin offered to assist in international efforts to combat widely-disliked bearded nutters Islamic State earlier this week, but has added he’s not that fussed if anyone else joins in or not as he’s going to get his bomb on anyway.

Reports that Russian air strikes were against entirely the wrong people have led to Putin giving world leaders the finger and asking precisely what they hope to do about it.

Russia has extensive interests in the region, including their only military port on the Mediterranean, and spokesmen said today’s action was carried out in order to support regional stability and fuck you.

“When Russia offers to start shooting they usually don’t hang around,” Professor Simon Williams of the Institute of Russia Has Done What Now Studies.

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“In the West, an invitation to commence military action is usually the beginning of a round of meetings, planning sessions, and parliamentary votes lasting months.”

“In Russia, they mean in the next half hour or so.”

It has been suggested that the military action has been ordered in order to distract ordinary Russians from an ongoing financial crisis and to prop up Putin’s popularity at home, but it must be pointed out that it’s worked every time he’s done it in the past.

ISIS are reported to be delighted by Russian attacks against other targets, although Russian military sources have suggested they don’t get their hopes up.