St. Albans sinkhole a ‘backdoor for immigrants’

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An enormous hole in the ground in a St. Albans street will soon have immigrants swarming out it, according to the Daily Mail and every dickhead you know.

The hole opened up in the early hours of this morning much in the same way your mum’s did; the only difference being that this hole will have a lot of people going OUT of it.

“Mark my words” said Simon Williams, a “journalist” for the mail, “this is the work of cunning immigrants and their foreign brand of tunnelling, which is the same as British tunnelling, except it costs less and they do it for longer.”

“There’s a reason ‘The Great Escape’ is Syria’s best-selling DVD at the moment, and it’s not because they’re all dying to leave, it’s because they want to learn about tunnelling.”

Some have argued that St. Albans is a bizarre place for a tunnel to end.

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Adam Rice is a tunnelling expert, and has never been to a party.

“It’s a hell of a weird route for a tunnel from Dover” he said.

“You’d have to get right the way through London, being careful not to avoid any water mains, gas pipes, or more importantly, oncoming trains.”

“And then after all of that, you wind up in St. Albans.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I admire the effort, I just don’t think it’s worth it. Similar to how I feel about the latest Little Mix album.”