Reformed US singer Chris Brown says he wants to go to Australia to forcibly raise awareness about domestic violence.
The ‘bit-handy’ singer, believes a former conviction for assaulting his ex Rihanna, means he will be denied access to the land of domestic bliss.
Brown, who requested the visa in May, says he has tried asking nicely, but Australia is behaving like an uppity little bitch.
“This visit is about breaking down doors, but not the ones in my house when my dinner isn’t ready,” Brown told us.
“When I ask for a visa, the least I expect is for it to be on the table, ready to go in my suitcase,” he added.
“I’ve told them once.”
The singer hopes to arrive in November and when he gets there, he expects to find everything just as he likes it.
Brown said, “My room should overlook the sea. Slippers at the end of the bed. Knuckleduster on the table.”
“Believe me when I say, you don’t want me to take this shit up with the receptionist.”
Australia’s Immigration Minister, Sharon Williams, said she would consider Mr Brown’s application after he phoned her six hundred times during one night.
She added, “If Mr Brown does feel the need to let off steam during his visit, can I suggest he does what most Australians do and beat the crap out of a shark.”