Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers plans to join terrorist outfit ISIS in a bid to restore the Anfield fear factor, according to reports this morning.
Following his charges home draw with League 2 side Carlisle, sources close to the club confirmed that Rodgers made contact with the group through an intermediary, Mullah Akhtar Aidy-Ward.
The former Reading chief hopes his experience of Northern Ireland in the 1980’s will make him an ideal candidate to join one of the most fearsome groups since the formation of the Wimbledon Crazy Gang in the 1980’s.
Rodgers told reporters, “It’s clear that teams up and down the land are treating a visit to Anfield as a match so easy it should be called ‘Katie Price’.”
“So I’m delighted by the opportunity to align myself with a world-class organization like ISIS, one that has spread fear into the hearts and minds of millions.”
“Opposing teams looking at our team sheet will quickly stop laughing at the sight of Dejan Lovren or Simon Mignolet on the teamsheet as soon as they walk through the tunnel and see the ‘This is the Caliphate of Anfield’ sign.”
“It’s an outstanding move for all parties.”
Rodgers confirmed that future pre-match press conferences would be replaced with grainy video messages shot from the sand pits of local Merseyside schools.
“Authenticity is key to everything I do,” he continued.
“So expect to see me try and cut off Raheem Sterling’s head when Man City visit us in March.”