Lidl can only afford living wage because of their extortionate pricing, insist business leaders

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Supermarket chain Lidl has come under fire from business leaders who say they can only afford to pay staff the living wage because they are obviously ripping off the consumer.

After Lidl said it would start paying their staff the minimum wage as recommended by the Living Wage Foundation, business groups said the move was clearly only possible because the consumer is being ripped off with sky-high prices.

Businessman Simon Williams told us, “No normal business can afford to pay its workers that sort of wage rate, not without the customer having to pay a lot more for their products – and do you really want that?”

“Where do you want all that extra money to go? Into the pockets of the shop-floor staff, or do you want it to stay in your pocket, as the consumer.”

“Because let me assure you, there is no third choice about where all the money goes when you walk into a business, it’s one of those two, and anyone who says different is definitely lying.”

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The move has received a warm welcome from staff and customers alike, and Lidl has sought to explain their policy change.

A spokesperson for the supermarket chain told reporters, “Yeah, we thought about it, and we decided that when it comes to our employee’s wages and helping them stay above the poverty line, it’s probably best not to be pricks about it.”

“We can afford to pay this higher rate even with the meagre margins we make when we sell you tins of beans and our own-brand lager for tuppence a piece.”

“So I guess either our business model is orders of magnitude more efficient than those run by those other business leaders, or they’re just being arseholes about it.”

“Take your pick.”