NRA calls for US to introduce comprehensive program of clock control

author avatar by 8 years ago

The NRA has called on the US government to introduce a rigorous clock control program after it was revealed that a young boy not only made a clock, but brought it into school.

“I think the time is right for the Government to protect the American people against clocks in all their forms,” said NRA spokesperson Wayne Lapierre.

“I congratulate the Irving Police Department in arresting the 14-year old Muslim boy who brought his home-made clock into school, but we cannot afford to be complacent and must protect our citizens from any future clocks.”

“Particularly clocks in schools.”

The new laws will include mandatory background checks on anyone wishing to purchase a clock, a requirement to store batteries for clocks on different premises to the clock, and an outright ban on openly carrying clocks in public.

Flavor Flav is said to be particularly troubled by the last point.

Lapierre went on, “Too many times, I have had to stand in front of the American people and express my shock at yet another clock-related crime in our schools. No more.”

The clock-control laws will be seen as a victory for many inside the NRA who have long spoken out against the prevalence of ‘clocks’ in American society.

The clock control laws are widely supported amongst the American public, with many people choosing to voluntarily shoot any clocks they own with guns.